Oh man, I really need some words of encouragement. I feel bad that Audrey has to have me as her Mom. I am frustrated that she cries about everything. I am frustrated that no matter what we do to give her attention or help her she is still crying. It frustrates me the most when she does something she knows she shouldn't be doing.Frustrates me when she goes in timeout twice in a row over the same issue. I don't have enough patience to be patient with her. I hate that Audrey and I have a better relationship when we are away from each other for a little bit. I want her to feel like she can come to me and talk to me about her concerns, or good things that happened to her, questions she might have, etc. I know there are some things I need to change too, but oh man, I am having another one of those moments where I feel like I am failing....again.
Sadly, I feel like mine and Audrey's relationship is slowly slipping apart. She does things she shouldn't just to get attention. We give her the good attention too and have tried to do it so much but she still makes not so good choices...already and she is only 3. No matter how much attention we give her it's never enough to her. I am really stressing about this. I can't give her attention 24/7, which seems to be what she wants/ needs. I really do love her so much and really want her to be happy, that is why I am so concerned about this.
For all of you Mom's who's daughters are all grown up and who you get along with so well, what was your trick? Did you ever loose your temper with them? If they cried all the time, at everything, what did you do to help it? Or to the rest of you, what did your Mom do to help you become close to her and to have a good relationship with her?
I really could use some encouraging words right now from anyone! Thanks!
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12 comments:
Keep hanging in there. You are doing a good job. She is just pushing to see how far she can go. Try having her go to her room to cry, she can come out when she can be pleasant.
If she thinks she can manipulate everyone's entire day with whining and crying it won't help her in her "real life".
Hope that helps.
Don't be too hard on yourself! You are looking for ways to fix it!! that is the important part. She is so young, you have not broken your relationship yet, and the fact that you are changing it now shows you are a good mom!!! You are the best at taking time to create activities for Audrey!!! I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but I was thinking sometimes when I am bored I like to go to my craft stuff and organize it and/or make something. Maybe you can make an 'Audrey' box. You can put all of your scraps of paper and ribbon you don't need, and you could buy her some blank index cards (50 cents at grocery store)toilet paper rolls(the end of them)yarn and just give her anything in there for her to be creative with by herself..and maybe some tape(glue might be too messy for her) and tell her that you have something you need to do so she has an hour or a half hour with her Audrey box to come up with a few things and then you are going to come over and let her tell you all about it! But until you come over it is a secret. I don't know if that makes sense or if it is just kind of stupid. but that is what I thought of...anyway none of us are going to know how to handle the different situations we are in with our kids and asking for help is the perfect response! But don't get discouraged! Love you
Lisa this is so completely normal! The moms and daughters I know who are close are the ones who have survived the rough times with a good attitude and kept the Lord close when dealing with the rough stuff, not because they didn't HAVE any rough stuff. Audrey is 3 (still very little!) and is still learning to express herself and test boundaries - being in her face all of the time (even with positive attention) isn't good for either one of you. Space is good! My kids are much better for and with me when they've had a little time away either with daddy, friends, school or just on their own in their room. I don't think anyone (child or grown up) can have a healthy relationship with someone they are with 100% of the time. You are such a sweet and wonderful mother to your girls and they are blessed to have you. When you discipline them you are doing a good thing! You are teaching them, molding them and preparing them for their lives. Don't think of crying or acting out as a failure on your part, think of it as a teaching opportunity. Every mom has days when she feels like she isn't doing things right and every mom has imperfections to work on, but just keep doing your best, set baby step goals to help you improve, listen to the guidance of the Holy Ghost and know that you were chosen to be her mother for a reason. You are amazing!
I am so sorry you are having a hard time. I don't have girls but I send my little guy to his room to cry and say when he stops he can come back out. It is still very frustrating though. Keep praying and take deep breaths!
i don't have any advice because i am in that same boat. it's crazy how alike audrey & paislee sound. we have good days with paislee.. and a lot of bad days too. i don't get it. and i feel that i have tried everything. i've just decided that she is who she is and i know that eventually she will grow out of the constant throwing tantrum fits. i just try my hardest to patient- which is extrememly hard sometimes. i usually just try to distract her from the situation that is making her so upset. i think that by being concerned about audrey and your relationship goes to show how good of a mom you are and i think you are doing a great job just by realizing the problem. hang in there! paislee has actually been doing really good the past couple of weeks... so hopefully audrey will get better too.
I like your mother-in-law's advice! I had the same problems with Danny...I call it the terrible 2's, 3's, and 4's...it's worse as they get older because they know better. But, Danny was really difficult for a while, especially while Tom was in training...he would try to hit me and pull my hair and it was really frustrating and saddening...but, it's really what your mother-in-law said. She's testing you. Send her to her room or take yourself to another room. Cherish the moments when she's not testing you. Danny turns 6 tomorrow and every time I drop him off at school, I tell him I love him lots, and he always says "I love you more than that!" It's really a phase. Pray for patience!!! (Oh, and reward charts helped...sometimes...:) I know you are a FANTASTIC mother!!!
Maryn and I don't have the perfect relationship but we've gone through/still going through a lot of what you are. There are some things that I have done that I regret terribly and I can't take back. It got so bad between us I told her one time I was going to send her to live with a new mommy because obviously I wasn't cutting it. I'm already saving up for the counseling she'll need later from me. j/k All kidding aside I had to take a really hard look at what I was doing because I was blaming her for everything when in fact it wasn't only her that needed to change. I hit my knees pleading and crying for help and it wasn't until months later it dawned on me that most of what needed to happen was I needed to change...change my attitude, change my perspective of her, change how we discipline. I'm very stubborn so this was hard to choke down. Maryn is the type of girl that needs lots of validation and when she gets mean and crying all the time she is trying to express what she is not able to verbally and I felt like a detective trying to figure things out sometimes. Also, one thing that has saved our relationship is me trusting her a little more. I had such a tight grip on her that she was acting out anyway she knew how. One way was trusting her enough to be with friends. Away from me. I don't like my kids away from me for too long so that was hard but she is so much happier when she has friends to play with either here or else where. I agree with your mom in law I have to put Maryn in her room for a while, let her cry it out until she is ready to talk calmly with me. One more thing...I noticed after I had my wake up call from after praying the biggest thing I needed to change was not flying off the handle at every little thing and not raising my voice. Kids are little people too and they feel the same feelings we are and are trying to understand how to express those feelings anyway they can. The more you can help your children help express those feelings in positive ways the better equipped they will be when they are on their own. Believe me I have a long way to go with my kids. Thank goodness children are so forgiving. It does get easier when you work hard to establish that foundation now. Good luck with everything!!!
Oh Lisa, I totally know how you feel. There are a lot of nights I just go to bed and want to cry. Emilee can be so mean, yet she can be so nice too. She is so super independent and thinks she is the boss to everything, even the way she talks to me. Just like tonight in the car she made a mess and I told her she needed to clean up her mess when we got home and she said "No mom, I don't HAVE to clean up my mess, that is YOUR job." Oh, I was not happy. Needless to say, she cleaned it up. Sometimes I've noticed when she gets mouthy, I just have to ignore it. That bothers them more than anything else and when she wonders why I am not talking to her I just tell her I don't talk to little girls who are mean to their mommy. I have to watch everything I do and say because she tends to be just like me if I'm not careful, and I wonder where she gets it from. haha. Well, when I look back through the day at myself I can see that I was the problem. We all have to set boundries for our kids, I am super strict with Emilee I know. But I let her have her independence too. I let her do a lot of things and I am encouraging her constantly about things. Its hard for these little kids to stay focused and all, but we all just need a little more patience. Sometimes I have to take things away from her, and sometimes she needs 5 minutes on her own in her room. But, just be sure after any time out, you tell her why she was in timeout and expect an apology in return. then tell her you love her and move on. I know its hard to forget, but you have to. You are a wonderful mother, Lisa. You don't give yourself enough credit. You do a great job at keeping her doing something all the time. I like Chrissy's idea about making her own "Audrey craft box". I know she would love that, and she is so intelligent she could always think of something to make even if you have to give her some hints.
Hang in there! I love you, I think you are the best little sister anyone can have and you are such an inspiration to me.
aww Lisa, you are so sweet.
I am not a mom yet :) but I think all kids go through stages. Specially little ones are learning about limits, attitude and peoples response to them.
I think you guys are fantastic parents. And you are a loving mom. Just keep your faith and remember that she loves you!!
Wow! Thank you all so very much for your comments! I appreciate all of what every one of you said! Thanks so much!
I can't remember how I found your blog...I think it was when Tyler passed away, I went to high school with him. Anyways, I have loved your blog and continued to read it because you are a fantastic mom!! I am amazed at all the projects and sweet things you do for everyone around you. I can barely get showered and do laundry on the same day since I had my daugher. I read this post the day you wrote it and didn't say anything because you don't know me and I thought it might be a little weird but I kept thinking about it and I know the feeling and wanted to tell you...Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyday you have a chance to do something different, but don't beat yourself up. Little kids are hard, don't expect that it won't wear on you sometimes. Everyone has given great advice for you with Audrey! Do what works for you but don't always expect perfection...from Audrey or yourself.
we talked about this the other day love. It is how alot of kids are. Emilio was the worst. but now i wouldn't trade him for anything. You are always doing fun things with her, but maybe you are doing them too much where she expects to be doing a craft or something all the time. that is too much for a mom. she needs to come up with things to do for "audrey time" where she can go in her room or do somthing on her own. she is alot like you were when i comes to the crying game. although you had a good excuse, she doesn't have brothers that pester her. maybe she just has high hormones right now. i know for boys, the testosterone levels go up and down depending on their ages, so maybe it is the same for girls and she is just having one of those peak times. but the key is you don't have to listen to it. she can cry in her room. yeah you will feel mean by having her in time out all the time or spending most of the time in her room, but eventually she will get the point. that there are other ways to deal with issues
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